365 ~ DAY 288

Have you ever thought about your life and wondered "what if...?"


Not that we could ever really change any of our past...


And so many will tell us that we learn important lessons in all that we experience - good or bad, success or failure, right or wrong.


There are many "points" in my past where I sometimes revisit what happened and play that 'what if' game. Such times usually come about when my energy is low, my pain is high, and I'm unable to actually do what I would like to be doing. I fight daily to do things I've never been able to do before. I fight against my past. I fight against my present. I keep on fighting for my future! I fight against fibromyalgia, against myofascial pain syndrome, against chronic fatigue syndrome, against osteoarthritis, against chronic kidney disease - a nephrotic syndrome called minimal change disorder, and against a mysterious issue of multiple lesions in my brain of unknown etiology. I fight about multiple allergens: peanuts, wheat, rye, barley, dairy, corn, soy, walnuts, shellfish, contrast dyes, tetracyclines, alcohol, and more. I never know when the next new allergy is going to show itself! I'm more cautious now than I used to be.


I strive for a safer life: avoiding harsh chemicals, avoiding gluten in everything, avoiding GMOs, artificial foods & food additives, avoiding toxins and toxic people, avoiding all those things that have in some way been identified as dangerous to my own personal well-being. It's hard to maintain diligence and not just quit - give up - stop trying to make my life better!


But what would be the alternative? If I don't fight to make and keep my world safe then nothing else is worthwhile - nothing!

365 ~ DAY 287 (oops)

Well, so much for 2 posts yesterday! :(


The day ended up being a lot busier than I first thought it would be. All this technology can be frustrating some days! It's nice to have my laptop sort of back but annoying that not everything is working like I want it. I wish we had something that combines what I like about the tablets with what I like about laptops and desktops.


Some of those technology issues remind me of some of my own challenges. It's not possible to explain it all in one blog post but in my quest to do all that it seems I must do reminders abound of how much less I am able to do these days! For so many years I was the one coaching, and coaxing, a little one to press onward, to not give, to find a way to do it! Now, I'm the one who needs that coaching & coaxing. Just wish I had someone like me to do it!

365 ~ DAY 286 (a day late)

Sorry this one is late, but I plan to do 2 today. :)


Just wanted to get something in here for Day 286. It was a challenging day. The first of the month always is; there are bills to pay, accounts to balance, transfers to initiate, and of course, some shopping to do.


This month we added helping my X to get his first haircut since May when he was rushed into life-saving surgery, battling a flesh-eating bacteria, and came out of it only losing his right leg (instead of his life). He's still adjusting to that loss. Plus, there are so many other aspects to his daily living situation that are big adjustments for him - and by extension, for us, particularly, my kids.


Two of those kids helped out in what was needed to help him yesterday. By the time the 3 of us returned home very late last night the mood was somber. WE are used to the challenges faced with disability issues, in particular with mobility issues that he is just beginning to realize. It was sad to watch him struggle and really notice that there are some things he will no longer be able to do, at least not in the way he's grown accustomed to over the years.


I think back to all the years he avoided knowing about the various "special needs" of our kids, all the time he wasted really getting to know them because he didn't want to face their realities: neuro-motor issues, strokes, heart defects, stuff that affected how they learned, how they walked, how they talked, and ultimately how they each grew up taking on challenges that the majority of their peers would never have to face - doing so with grace, dignity, and determination. X certainly missed a lot.


Is it "karma" or "fate" or "some divine providence" that is now subjecting him to the many of the very same challenges his kids faced early on in their lives? While none of them actually lost a limb, some did have huge issues getting those limbs to work; and the brain issues... while not caused by the same thing the challenge of making weak or non-working areas of the brain either work or find an area to pick up the slack was still present.


It's interesting to contemplate - is it "payback" time for X in all the ways he treated us? Will helping him be like 'heaping hot coals' upon him when he realizes that the very ones he hurt so deeply are the only ones helping him out now? Will it make a difference? Will he have a change of heart - a real, true, change that results in him being a nicer, more compassionate person in the long run? 

365 ~ DAY 285

So can I keep this going?

Today I was reminded of something I felt was quite profound at the time; is it still?

A well known man once said, "Your time is limited so don't waste it living someone else's life." I think he has a valid point! How often do we do something because of someone else? Our time IS limited! It doesn't matter who we are we all have the same amount of time in a day. As much as many of us might wish we had another hour or two at the end of our day, nothing we do is ever really going to give us 25 hours in a day. 

When we are very young we often take our direction in life from our parents. Right or wrong. Good or bad. With or without purpose. Be they doctors, lawyers, nurses, teachers, bricklayers, business leaders, sales-persons, technicians, store clerks, criminals, deadbeats, writers, artists ... well, you get the idea ... the list is endless. But the fact remains that our parents are usually the first people to influence what we plan to do with our lives. Very often we end up in our given profession because in some way it makes them happy. We love them so want to please them. 

What happens when it doesn't work that way?

When you find that you aren't really happy doing that? Or maybe you finally realize that you just are not very good at doing that? Do you keep doing it now because it's all you know? It's what they want? Is that right? How long can someone go on in life not feeling like what they do matters? If you feel like that then what's the point? Where's the value?

So I get what this man is saying... we each only have so much time - in a day - in a week - a year - a lifetime. We each need to not waste it living only for someone else's goals and desires!

Some of you may know I've been trying to build my own business from home. I've been wondering why it's been so hard for me. It's worked well, and quite fast even, for many before me. Something has been 'blocking' me in some way. It occurred to me recently that I am my own worst enemy! For my business to go where I want it to go, I need to get out of my own way! I need to let go of all those 'voices in my head' from all those people I have believed I needed to make happy and stop being so concerned about their opinions of what I'm doing, or want to do!

Interesting fact: I've spent a lot of time 'trying' to please my parents, my husband, even others and still success there eludes me! 
Clearly it is time to change!!!

365 ~ DAY 284

Changing your life is not an easy thing! I've had decades of practice! What about you?

Even simple changes can be tough. Right now I'm working on changing how I access this blog. Last week my power cord for the laptop I've depended upon for close to 3 years died, quit working, stopped charging the battery; eventually the battery died and thus the end of said laptop! :-( So, thanks to the generosity of my daughters, I'm making use of "tiny tablets" which are about half or less the size of my laptop screen. The keyboard changes are irritating too. And don't even get me started on pictures! I have 5 gigs of pics stuck on that laptop!

BUT...

I DO NOT GIVE UP!!! As much as there is a part of me that WANTS to just give up... I'm tired of things going wrong in my life!

Just take a look at this blog! HA! I totally planned on writing every single day for 365 days! I've done, what? 5 days? 6? LOL

Will things be any different now? Will I continue blogging daily?
Time will tell, I guess. :-)

365 ~ DAY 283

A lot can happen in 280 days! Some of those things that stand out ... selling a car, buying another vehicle, X leaving town, X coming back, losing a leg to a flesh-eating bacteria, sellng another car, going from no job to 2 jobs, learning how NOT to build a business, keeping my hopes and dreams alive!!!

Recently, I was reminded of how much work goes into being poor. When someone no longer has a job or a place to live and has just suffered a tremendous loss getting help to get your life back on track is a lot of hard work! You have multiple applications to complete and submit to the proper entity (person, place, office, agency, etc.). Then there are numerous phone calls back and forth with all of those contacs and the new ones they will refer you to, not to  mention all those calls to people you know who might know of a job or a place to live for you to call and check on. While keeping up with all of that you have to cope with your constant depression from all you've lost recently. If you have no income you really can't pay for any help either. Your very survival is at the mercy of others. How do you keep going?

And so I find myself doing what little I can to help out someone who has previously hurt me and all of my kids in ways we will never forget! WHY?

What would Jesus do if faced with my situation?

365~Day2

10-minutes! 2 days in a row!

There were many things that almost kept it from happening!

But I reminded myself that I'm working on staying away from the negative people in my life. 

I focused on staying positive.

I didn't let any of those "things" keep me from doing this one thing for just 10 minutes today!

I had to deal with a lot of reminders of my past today.

They aren't pretty!

People don't have a worst past (like mine) and pull away from it with any smiles!

But I love the rainbow of colors in this graphic, almost as much as I love what it says!

Sometimes

people with the worst pasts

end up

creating the best futures!

I AM NOW CREATING MY BEST FUTURE!

Purpose - Schmurpose!

Purpose – schmurpose! LOL 20 days down and I've spent most of it rather down … but not quite out... due to some of life's unexpected troubles. :( The damages are reversing, healing, returning to normal, slowly. But, as usual, it's not going to stop me from moving toward my goals!

And I am still moving ahead WITH PURPOSE! I am determined that even starting my business month 33% behind (so to speak) will not keep me from building my business!

Same for SPARKnEarthlyBest – no progress to report, but no backsliding either!

On the green front... we are doing LOTS BETTER at eating REAL FOODS! I found a few new blogs to follow in this effort of avoiding processed foods more:

100daysofrealfood.com and foodformyfamily.com and eatingrules.com

If you have any interest at all in eating less processed foods, more organic foods, or more local foods you may find one or all of these very helpful! :)

And with ANDEE365 – Wow! Have we been 'thru the ringer' and then some! It wasn't fun. It wasn't pretty. It wasn't supposed to happen this way. :( However, we have had some extensive family discussions about the things that have happened and the things that could yet happen. These have resulted in a number of things improving around here. But there are still some “issues” to resolve ~ aren't there always such things in large families? LOL So, we move ahead! We go forward WITH PURPOSE! We take stock of where we are at; where we want to go; and which path(s) we want to take to get there.

I do have to say this: In the last 20 days I've talked to a number of locals and met some really nice people! This makes me look forward even more to what's ahead as I seek out more and more of the people of my little town and help them understand what a wonderful thing I have for them with my company! :) There are lots of hard-working folks around here who are barely getting by and really struggling to find that “something” that will help them get to the next check, help them get to feeling better so they can do more to meet their families' needs, and give them hope for a brighter future. Before long they will all know! I can't wait to share what I have with all of them!!!

I close with this:

"Your time is limited so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma, which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary."

~ Steve Jobs (Feb. 24, 1955 – Oct. 5, 2011)

100 Days With A Purpose!

Today, Tuesday, September 20, 2011 marks yet another beginning for me...

and my family! (little do they know – hehehe)

It's the start of a 100 day countdown to a better life – for all of us!

For Andee365 it will become a test to see how much can be accomplished in 100 days! We are all working at ways to gain self-sufficiency; 

to reach that point where there is no need to depend upon others for that which we need. We need to find another house

 – perhaps to buy – 

maybe even out in the country 

where we are more free to adjust our lives to living more on our own

 and less dependent upon what others provide. 

No, we won't move anytime soon – unless we are given a miracle or two. ;-) 

But we will build up our resources, 

cut down our wastes, 

fine tune our wants, 

and – in 100 days – 

find ourselves in a better place in many ways. :)

For All My Earthly Best it's moving forward in becoming GREENER and more completely self-sufficient. This project is ongoing with no foreseeable end as it is my opinion that one can ALWAYS improve upon any given circumstance or situation. But – for 100 days I plan to increase focus on a few matters that will directly impact our environment for the better!

For SPARKnEarthlyBest it's continuing my quest to lose 100 pounds. Yeah, a year has come and gone and I didn't meet that goal. :( I am however 50 pounds lighter – so there is clear and definite progress! Ultimately I will be eating 100% whole foods and absolutely nothing commercially processed or produced. This journey will not really ever end either as all of us, until we can gain perfection, will always have some aspect of our health to improve upon. Given all that – let's just see where we are at in 100 days!

There is a Bible verse that states:

“Whatever you are doing, work at it whole-souled, as to Jehovah, and not to men.” Colossians 3:23 NWT

“Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not human masters.” Colossians 3:23 NIV

“Work willingly at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people.” Colossians 3:23 NLT

However it is stated, the idea is the same: whatever it is you are doing (so not just things you do that are specifically religious in nature), do that work in the best way and mood possible (give it everything you've got and give it joyfully), just as if you were being asked by God, himself (by the most supreme being in the universe) to get that task done.

As a Bible Student I take this very seriously. 

 I realize that in this regard too, there is always room for improvement. 

 So this next 100 days as I work towards a better life by making specific, 

focused efforts in several areas of life, simultaneously 

I will do so “whole-heartedly” and “gladly” and 

with my best possible efforts 

regardless of the obstacles and challenges 

that are put in front of me!

One of the key factors that will allow me to accomplish these goals begins here: www.andee.ecomomteam.com 

and if you wish to know more on that just 

fill in the “Request Info” form and submit it to me. :)

The next 100 days I am DOING WITH A PURPOSE!

Andee365

060 ~ Laundry

Saturday - Dec 18th - 

busy day with Dany here, kids gone, 

and so many plans to accomplish... 

beginning with Sis & Dany's laundry!  

Dany helped to sort it - all seven loads of it!  

Once the first load was dry we pretty much 

spent the rest of the day doing laundry!  

Sis arrived, after work, 

with one load washing, 

one load drying, 

two loads finished 

(folded and waiting to go home with them) 

and three loads yet to dry.  

Our washer has always been faster than our dryer. 

lol

Right before Sis arrived at my place 

I discovered my washer had finally died.  

That's been a process in the works for several weeks now... 

we knew it was coming... 

but we all were wishing and hoping that it would not happen 

until my Melaleuca business was bringing in more money.  

But's it's late - and I'm beat - 

so not going to mess with this problem tonight! 

The only pic I have for today...

my favorite flowers :)

059 ~ Fibro

Friday - Dec 17th - 

My plan was to work on business from 10 to 2 

but much of my day was lost 

dealing with fibro flaring..............

...........some days I just cannot win!

So just enjoy still more blizzard pics!

058 ~ WHY TRY?

Thursday - Dec 16th - 

Yes! I have still more pics from around town of all the snow

from our weekend blizzard!!!

6am I'm up and running!  

TODAY should work out to actually work my business!  

There's issues with the girls - Becca's not feeling well - breakfast isn't going well - Jessi's running late for her morning ministry.  There's laundry to get moving; dishes to be washed and put away.  I need to print off some things before getting started with my phone calls.  There are countless calls coming in - none work related - but all needing something right away!  

Finally I get a little time - and all I get are message machines! :(  

It's SO FRUSTRATING!!!  

Today is the last day for $1 enrollments... unless... 

if you got in 2 enrollments already you can get 2 more $1 enrollment kits for the rest of the month; OR if you got in 4 enrollments already you can continue with unlimited enrollments all month!  Must be done by midnight Mountain time!  

90 minutes to go - and I got nothing - no one - nada - zip - zilch!  :(  Grrrr

Times like this I feel like "WHY TRY?!"  

You know - I'm fighting high odds every single day!  My mom, my brothers, my dad, my stepmom, my stepsibs, nieces, nephews, ... let's just say most all of my family thinks this is just "another one of those scams that take your money and leave you with nothing but a bunch of products nobody wants."  

They don't expect me to make anything of this - 

just like a dozen other "home-based businesses" I've done in the past.  

But, my sister wants to try it; 

and I have 2 daughters who are willing to give it go.... 

but I have to be able to see more success 

if I'm going to be of any help to them!  

Most of the friends I've asked to consider

 this business or these products 

have backed away not wanting to even take a close look at it.  

:( 

They have no idea what they are missing!!! 

:( 

And I'm not giving up, or giving in!!!

057 ~ Unexpected

Wednesday - Dec 14th -

It was going to be a day for work - but ran into an unexpected problem that tied me up from 9am until 2pm... and at 2:30 I had to meet with Sis b/c she had an MRI scheduled for 3pm... plus I needed to drop off Mack's car to him before getting Sis to the hospital... and right after getting her squared away I had to go get Dany.  Fortunately Becca was able to stay with Dany while I returned to the hospital for Sis.  We got her home about 4:30... and Becca & I headed to our place soon after.  I was going to spend some time on work then... but had to go back to Sis' about 5:30 because Dany had run off and was refusing to listen to her mom who was in no condition to be running all around outside chasing after her!  I ended up having to stay there with them until Mack got off work - by which time both were pretty much ready for bed, and Dany was under strict orders from me not to cause anymore problems tonight or she'd have to deal with me tomorrow!  Mack & I got home about 9pm... by 10:30 I had tended to various things needing my attention and was ready to get some sleep!

No work today. :(

But...

Tomorrow's another day!!!

We continue with the blizzard effects....

City crews will be working for weeks clearing all this snow off roads!

055 ~ Challenges

Monday - 12th -

School was delayed 2 hours - no surprise.  

The cold front had arrived - 

dropping temps from 20 above to 20 below!!! 

The high for Monday was not even above zero!  

Windchills were pushing that to 25-35 below zero!  

Not fun to be out in at all!!!

This pic was actually taken on Saturday

but it's one of the very few

with Dany and her cousin Mack;

and don't you just love their

fascination with technology!?!

But Monday is our day for Dany's in-home counselors... 

and there were other issues... 

a last minute eye exam appointment for her right after school 

and before counseling.  

Sis & Dany arrived home for that about 30 minutes after 

the counselors had arrived... 

but the 3 of us had some great conversation 

while we waited for them.  

There's so much I just can't get into here 

but I'm not the only one nearing the "end of the rope" 

with how things are progressing, 

or not progressing, as the case may be.  

One of the end results from Monday's session is 

that I am now picking up Miss Dany after school each day 

and taking her to her place (not mine) 

and making her put away HER belongings in the proper places - 

which also means helping her discover 

what those proper places are.  

It also means that for the rest of this month, at least, 

my weekdays from 3pm until whenever her mom gets off work 

are now FULL and nothing else can be scheduled into those times!  

UGH!!!  

I sure hope this idea works! 

Until Dany keeps her belongings cared for properly 

she will not go to the boys and girls club after school 

or for the off days either... 

and Winter Break is coming up... 

a whole week of no school!!!

054 ~ Blizzard 2

Sunday - 11th -

.... started at 5am with a phone call from the nursing home Mack works at... 

they were asking me if there was any possible way my son could come in to work then - on his day off! - because the day cook had just called to say she'd gone off the road and was in a ditch waiting for help and probably wouldn't make it in.  Poor Mack; he was up until 4am rearranging his room... not expecting to work or need to get up so early.  He spent 45 minutes shoveling snow away from his car... so much more snow had fallen overnight you could not even see where plows had been the day before (they had stopped running about 10pm unable to keep up with the snowfall... just doing main roads).  It was even hard to see a difference between road and yards! The unplowed road had snow anywhere from 8" to 18" deep depending on which way the wind blew it overnight.  Mack cleared his car but was unable to drive even 30' without getting stuck repeatedly... and he had about 5 blocks to go before hitting a main road.  Another neighbor, out shoveling too, helped him get unstuck and get his car reparked.  

At 6am we called the nursing home to report that he could not get there... 

after having tried numerous other ideas to see if ANY vehicles were moving about (city, local police, county, sheriff, state patrol, cab companies, etc) 

--- not a one was moving yet.  

State and county road crews (snowplows) went back to work at 3am and 5am respectively... moving snow at least 12" deep to somewhere off the roads.  The resulting piles of snow amassed easily topped road signs and fences!  It was 9:30 before we finally got one on our street and it took him four passes to clear the road - tho I must say he did a SUPER JOB in helping to move a couple feet of snow away from one side of Mack's car without even a scratch! :)  

It was 10:30 before Mack was on his way to work... 

since now, none of the day cooks were going to make it in, 

he'd be there to prepare lunch and dinner.  

The night shift had to feed all the residents cold cereal for breakfast.  

Near 11am the girls all worked together to dig out our 2 overnight guests - 

18-24" around the car, 

and about 4 or 5 FEET of snow at the end of the driveway!  

An hour later they were at their original destination of the night before. :)  

A couple of hours after that Becca & Jessi left with their dad

 to see Allyssa's play: 

UW-L production of Shakespeare's "Twelfth Night" 

for their closing show.  

Not long after they left our friend and neighbor, Bob, arrived with his snowblower!  I'm so grateful for his kindness in clearing all the sidewalks and the driveway, including widening the end of it where the girls had dug thru for their friends to leave earlier. :)

The rest of the day was quiet... not much left of it really since by this time it was about 3pm... but the quiet was nice. :)  I should have taken the time then to actually work my business but I held off because I really don't want to get into working on Sundays.  I'm still struggling with scheduling time for it.  It's so hard to find the time.  There are always problems to tend to that can't be put off.  When I'm finally done with dealing with it/them I find myself in too much pain or far too down to be of any good at work. :(