Have you ever thought about your life and wondered "what if...?"
Not that we could ever really change any of our past...
And so many will tell us that we learn important lessons in all that we experience - good or bad, success or failure, right or wrong.
There are many "points" in my past where I sometimes revisit what happened and play that 'what if' game. Such times usually come about when my energy is low, my pain is high, and I'm unable to actually do what I would like to be doing. I fight daily to do things I've never been able to do before. I fight against my past. I fight against my present. I keep on fighting for my future! I fight against fibromyalgia, against myofascial pain syndrome, against chronic fatigue syndrome, against osteoarthritis, against chronic kidney disease - a nephrotic syndrome called minimal change disorder, and against a mysterious issue of multiple lesions in my brain of unknown etiology. I fight about multiple allergens: peanuts, wheat, rye, barley, dairy, corn, soy, walnuts, shellfish, contrast dyes, tetracyclines, alcohol, and more. I never know when the next new allergy is going to show itself! I'm more cautious now than I used to be.
I strive for a safer life: avoiding harsh chemicals, avoiding gluten in everything, avoiding GMOs, artificial foods & food additives, avoiding toxins and toxic people, avoiding all those things that have in some way been identified as dangerous to my own personal well-being. It's hard to maintain diligence and not just quit - give up - stop trying to make my life better!
But what would be the alternative? If I don't fight to make and keep my world safe then nothing else is worthwhile - nothing!
Sunday, August 3, 2014
365 ~ DAY 287 (oops)
Well, so much for 2 posts yesterday! :(
The day ended up being a lot busier than I first thought it would be. All this technology can be frustrating some days! It's nice to have my laptop sort of back but annoying that not everything is working like I want it. I wish we had something that combines what I like about the tablets with what I like about laptops and desktops.
Some of those technology issues remind me of some of my own challenges. It's not possible to explain it all in one blog post but in my quest to do all that it seems I must do reminders abound of how much less I am able to do these days! For so many years I was the one coaching, and coaxing, a little one to press onward, to not give, to find a way to do it! Now, I'm the one who needs that coaching & coaxing. Just wish I had someone like me to do it!
The day ended up being a lot busier than I first thought it would be. All this technology can be frustrating some days! It's nice to have my laptop sort of back but annoying that not everything is working like I want it. I wish we had something that combines what I like about the tablets with what I like about laptops and desktops.
Some of those technology issues remind me of some of my own challenges. It's not possible to explain it all in one blog post but in my quest to do all that it seems I must do reminders abound of how much less I am able to do these days! For so many years I was the one coaching, and coaxing, a little one to press onward, to not give, to find a way to do it! Now, I'm the one who needs that coaching & coaxing. Just wish I had someone like me to do it!
Saturday, August 2, 2014
365 ~ DAY 286 (a day late)
Sorry this one is late, but I plan to do 2 today. :)
Just wanted to get something in here for Day 286. It was a challenging day. The first of the month always is; there are bills to pay, accounts to balance, transfers to initiate, and of course, some shopping to do.
This month we added helping my X to get his first haircut since May when he was rushed into life-saving surgery, battling a flesh-eating bacteria, and came out of it only losing his right leg (instead of his life). He's still adjusting to that loss. Plus, there are so many other aspects to his daily living situation that are big adjustments for him - and by extension, for us, particularly, my kids.
Two of those kids helped out in what was needed to help him yesterday. By the time the 3 of us returned home very late last night the mood was somber. WE are used to the challenges faced with disability issues, in particular with mobility issues that he is just beginning to realize. It was sad to watch him struggle and really notice that there are some things he will no longer be able to do, at least not in the way he's grown accustomed to over the years.
I think back to all the years he avoided knowing about the various "special needs" of our kids, all the time he wasted really getting to know them because he didn't want to face their realities: neuro-motor issues, strokes, heart defects, stuff that affected how they learned, how they walked, how they talked, and ultimately how they each grew up taking on challenges that the majority of their peers would never have to face - doing so with grace, dignity, and determination. X certainly missed a lot.
Is it "karma" or "fate" or "some divine providence" that is now subjecting him to the many of the very same challenges his kids faced early on in their lives? While none of them actually lost a limb, some did have huge issues getting those limbs to work; and the brain issues... while not caused by the same thing the challenge of making weak or non-working areas of the brain either work or find an area to pick up the slack was still present.
It's interesting to contemplate - is it "payback" time for X in all the ways he treated us? Will helping him be like 'heaping hot coals' upon him when he realizes that the very ones he hurt so deeply are the only ones helping him out now? Will it make a difference? Will he have a change of heart - a real, true, change that results in him being a nicer, more compassionate person in the long run?
Just wanted to get something in here for Day 286. It was a challenging day. The first of the month always is; there are bills to pay, accounts to balance, transfers to initiate, and of course, some shopping to do.
This month we added helping my X to get his first haircut since May when he was rushed into life-saving surgery, battling a flesh-eating bacteria, and came out of it only losing his right leg (instead of his life). He's still adjusting to that loss. Plus, there are so many other aspects to his daily living situation that are big adjustments for him - and by extension, for us, particularly, my kids.
Two of those kids helped out in what was needed to help him yesterday. By the time the 3 of us returned home very late last night the mood was somber. WE are used to the challenges faced with disability issues, in particular with mobility issues that he is just beginning to realize. It was sad to watch him struggle and really notice that there are some things he will no longer be able to do, at least not in the way he's grown accustomed to over the years.
I think back to all the years he avoided knowing about the various "special needs" of our kids, all the time he wasted really getting to know them because he didn't want to face their realities: neuro-motor issues, strokes, heart defects, stuff that affected how they learned, how they walked, how they talked, and ultimately how they each grew up taking on challenges that the majority of their peers would never have to face - doing so with grace, dignity, and determination. X certainly missed a lot.
Is it "karma" or "fate" or "some divine providence" that is now subjecting him to the many of the very same challenges his kids faced early on in their lives? While none of them actually lost a limb, some did have huge issues getting those limbs to work; and the brain issues... while not caused by the same thing the challenge of making weak or non-working areas of the brain either work or find an area to pick up the slack was still present.
It's interesting to contemplate - is it "payback" time for X in all the ways he treated us? Will helping him be like 'heaping hot coals' upon him when he realizes that the very ones he hurt so deeply are the only ones helping him out now? Will it make a difference? Will he have a change of heart - a real, true, change that results in him being a nicer, more compassionate person in the long run?
Thursday, July 31, 2014
365 ~ DAY 285
So can I keep this going?
Today I was reminded of something I felt was quite profound at the time; is it still?
A well known man once said, "Your time is limited so don't waste it living someone else's life." I think he has a valid point! How often do we do something because of someone else? Our time IS limited! It doesn't matter who we are we all have the same amount of time in a day. As much as many of us might wish we had another hour or two at the end of our day, nothing we do is ever really going to give us 25 hours in a day.
When we are very young we often take our direction in life from our parents. Right or wrong. Good or bad. With or without purpose. Be they doctors, lawyers, nurses, teachers, bricklayers, business leaders, sales-persons, technicians, store clerks, criminals, deadbeats, writers, artists ... well, you get the idea ... the list is endless. But the fact remains that our parents are usually the first people to influence what we plan to do with our lives. Very often we end up in our given profession because in some way it makes them happy. We love them so want to please them.
What happens when it doesn't work that way?
When you find that you aren't really happy doing that? Or maybe you finally realize that you just are not very good at doing that? Do you keep doing it now because it's all you know? It's what they want? Is that right? How long can someone go on in life not feeling like what they do matters? If you feel like that then what's the point? Where's the value?
So I get what this man is saying... we each only have so much time - in a day - in a week - a year - a lifetime. We each need to not waste it living only for someone else's goals and desires!
Some of you may know I've been trying to build my own business from home. I've been wondering why it's been so hard for me. It's worked well, and quite fast even, for many before me. Something has been 'blocking' me in some way. It occurred to me recently that I am my own worst enemy! For my business to go where I want it to go, I need to get out of my own way! I need to let go of all those 'voices in my head' from all those people I have believed I needed to make happy and stop being so concerned about their opinions of what I'm doing, or want to do!
Interesting fact: I've spent a lot of time 'trying' to please my parents, my husband, even others and still success there eludes me!
Clearly it is time to change!!!
Today I was reminded of something I felt was quite profound at the time; is it still?
A well known man once said, "Your time is limited so don't waste it living someone else's life." I think he has a valid point! How often do we do something because of someone else? Our time IS limited! It doesn't matter who we are we all have the same amount of time in a day. As much as many of us might wish we had another hour or two at the end of our day, nothing we do is ever really going to give us 25 hours in a day.
When we are very young we often take our direction in life from our parents. Right or wrong. Good or bad. With or without purpose. Be they doctors, lawyers, nurses, teachers, bricklayers, business leaders, sales-persons, technicians, store clerks, criminals, deadbeats, writers, artists ... well, you get the idea ... the list is endless. But the fact remains that our parents are usually the first people to influence what we plan to do with our lives. Very often we end up in our given profession because in some way it makes them happy. We love them so want to please them.
What happens when it doesn't work that way?
When you find that you aren't really happy doing that? Or maybe you finally realize that you just are not very good at doing that? Do you keep doing it now because it's all you know? It's what they want? Is that right? How long can someone go on in life not feeling like what they do matters? If you feel like that then what's the point? Where's the value?
So I get what this man is saying... we each only have so much time - in a day - in a week - a year - a lifetime. We each need to not waste it living only for someone else's goals and desires!
Some of you may know I've been trying to build my own business from home. I've been wondering why it's been so hard for me. It's worked well, and quite fast even, for many before me. Something has been 'blocking' me in some way. It occurred to me recently that I am my own worst enemy! For my business to go where I want it to go, I need to get out of my own way! I need to let go of all those 'voices in my head' from all those people I have believed I needed to make happy and stop being so concerned about their opinions of what I'm doing, or want to do!
Interesting fact: I've spent a lot of time 'trying' to please my parents, my husband, even others and still success there eludes me!
Clearly it is time to change!!!
Wednesday, July 30, 2014
365 ~ DAY 284
Changing your life is not an easy thing! I've had decades of practice! What about you?
Even simple changes can be tough. Right now I'm working on changing how I access this blog. Last week my power cord for the laptop I've depended upon for close to 3 years died, quit working, stopped charging the battery; eventually the battery died and thus the end of said laptop! :-( So, thanks to the generosity of my daughters, I'm making use of "tiny tablets" which are about half or less the size of my laptop screen. The keyboard changes are irritating too. And don't even get me started on pictures! I have 5 gigs of pics stuck on that laptop!
BUT...
I DO NOT GIVE UP!!! As much as there is a part of me that WANTS to just give up... I'm tired of things going wrong in my life!
Just take a look at this blog! HA! I totally planned on writing every single day for 365 days! I've done, what? 5 days? 6? LOL
Will things be any different now? Will I continue blogging daily?
Time will tell, I guess. :-)
Even simple changes can be tough. Right now I'm working on changing how I access this blog. Last week my power cord for the laptop I've depended upon for close to 3 years died, quit working, stopped charging the battery; eventually the battery died and thus the end of said laptop! :-( So, thanks to the generosity of my daughters, I'm making use of "tiny tablets" which are about half or less the size of my laptop screen. The keyboard changes are irritating too. And don't even get me started on pictures! I have 5 gigs of pics stuck on that laptop!
BUT...
I DO NOT GIVE UP!!! As much as there is a part of me that WANTS to just give up... I'm tired of things going wrong in my life!
Just take a look at this blog! HA! I totally planned on writing every single day for 365 days! I've done, what? 5 days? 6? LOL
Will things be any different now? Will I continue blogging daily?
Time will tell, I guess. :-)
Tuesday, July 29, 2014
365 ~ DAY 283
A lot can happen in 280 days! Some of those things that stand out ... selling a car, buying another vehicle, X leaving town, X coming back, losing a leg to a flesh-eating bacteria, sellng another car, going from no job to 2 jobs, learning how NOT to build a business, keeping my hopes and dreams alive!!!
Recently, I was reminded of how much work goes into being poor. When someone no longer has a job or a place to live and has just suffered a tremendous loss getting help to get your life back on track is a lot of hard work! You have multiple applications to complete and submit to the proper entity (person, place, office, agency, etc.). Then there are numerous phone calls back and forth with all of those contacs and the new ones they will refer you to, not to mention all those calls to people you know who might know of a job or a place to live for you to call and check on. While keeping up with all of that you have to cope with your constant depression from all you've lost recently. If you have no income you really can't pay for any help either. Your very survival is at the mercy of others. How do you keep going?
And so I find myself doing what little I can to help out someone who has previously hurt me and all of my kids in ways we will never forget! WHY?
What would Jesus do if faced with my situation?
Recently, I was reminded of how much work goes into being poor. When someone no longer has a job or a place to live and has just suffered a tremendous loss getting help to get your life back on track is a lot of hard work! You have multiple applications to complete and submit to the proper entity (person, place, office, agency, etc.). Then there are numerous phone calls back and forth with all of those contacs and the new ones they will refer you to, not to mention all those calls to people you know who might know of a job or a place to live for you to call and check on. While keeping up with all of that you have to cope with your constant depression from all you've lost recently. If you have no income you really can't pay for any help either. Your very survival is at the mercy of others. How do you keep going?
And so I find myself doing what little I can to help out someone who has previously hurt me and all of my kids in ways we will never forget! WHY?
What would Jesus do if faced with my situation?
Tuesday, October 22, 2013
365 ~ Day 3
Well I have managed to stick to my 10-minutes a day plan for 3 days in a row!
Does that count as 3 steps? ;-)
Working hard to keep this mindset!
You would not believe all the stuff getting in my way -
so many things, so many people, so much stuff
trying, trying, trying to keep me from sticking with this
10-minutes a day goal!
But I won't let it keep me from missing a day!
I won't!
I am going to be SO FOCUSED!
I'm going to be absolutely stuck on following one course until it's successful!
And after that one is successful then I will begin another!
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