Have you ever thought about your life and wondered "what if...?"
Not that we could ever really change any of our past...
And so many will tell us that we learn important lessons in all that we experience - good or bad, success or failure, right or wrong.
There are many "points" in my past where I sometimes revisit what happened and play that 'what if' game. Such times usually come about when my energy is low, my pain is high, and I'm unable to actually do what I would like to be doing. I fight daily to do things I've never been able to do before. I fight against my past. I fight against my present. I keep on fighting for my future! I fight against fibromyalgia, against myofascial pain syndrome, against chronic fatigue syndrome, against osteoarthritis, against chronic kidney disease - a nephrotic syndrome called minimal change disorder, and against a mysterious issue of multiple lesions in my brain of unknown etiology. I fight about multiple allergens: peanuts, wheat, rye, barley, dairy, corn, soy, walnuts, shellfish, contrast dyes, tetracyclines, alcohol, and more. I never know when the next new allergy is going to show itself! I'm more cautious now than I used to be.
I strive for a safer life: avoiding harsh chemicals, avoiding gluten in everything, avoiding GMOs, artificial foods & food additives, avoiding toxins and toxic people, avoiding all those things that have in some way been identified as dangerous to my own personal well-being. It's hard to maintain diligence and not just quit - give up - stop trying to make my life better!
But what would be the alternative? If I don't fight to make and keep my world safe then nothing else is worthwhile - nothing!
Sunday, August 3, 2014
365 ~ DAY 287 (oops)
Well, so much for 2 posts yesterday! :(
The day ended up being a lot busier than I first thought it would be. All this technology can be frustrating some days! It's nice to have my laptop sort of back but annoying that not everything is working like I want it. I wish we had something that combines what I like about the tablets with what I like about laptops and desktops.
Some of those technology issues remind me of some of my own challenges. It's not possible to explain it all in one blog post but in my quest to do all that it seems I must do reminders abound of how much less I am able to do these days! For so many years I was the one coaching, and coaxing, a little one to press onward, to not give, to find a way to do it! Now, I'm the one who needs that coaching & coaxing. Just wish I had someone like me to do it!
The day ended up being a lot busier than I first thought it would be. All this technology can be frustrating some days! It's nice to have my laptop sort of back but annoying that not everything is working like I want it. I wish we had something that combines what I like about the tablets with what I like about laptops and desktops.
Some of those technology issues remind me of some of my own challenges. It's not possible to explain it all in one blog post but in my quest to do all that it seems I must do reminders abound of how much less I am able to do these days! For so many years I was the one coaching, and coaxing, a little one to press onward, to not give, to find a way to do it! Now, I'm the one who needs that coaching & coaxing. Just wish I had someone like me to do it!
Saturday, August 2, 2014
365 ~ DAY 286 (a day late)
Sorry this one is late, but I plan to do 2 today. :)
Just wanted to get something in here for Day 286. It was a challenging day. The first of the month always is; there are bills to pay, accounts to balance, transfers to initiate, and of course, some shopping to do.
This month we added helping my X to get his first haircut since May when he was rushed into life-saving surgery, battling a flesh-eating bacteria, and came out of it only losing his right leg (instead of his life). He's still adjusting to that loss. Plus, there are so many other aspects to his daily living situation that are big adjustments for him - and by extension, for us, particularly, my kids.
Two of those kids helped out in what was needed to help him yesterday. By the time the 3 of us returned home very late last night the mood was somber. WE are used to the challenges faced with disability issues, in particular with mobility issues that he is just beginning to realize. It was sad to watch him struggle and really notice that there are some things he will no longer be able to do, at least not in the way he's grown accustomed to over the years.
I think back to all the years he avoided knowing about the various "special needs" of our kids, all the time he wasted really getting to know them because he didn't want to face their realities: neuro-motor issues, strokes, heart defects, stuff that affected how they learned, how they walked, how they talked, and ultimately how they each grew up taking on challenges that the majority of their peers would never have to face - doing so with grace, dignity, and determination. X certainly missed a lot.
Is it "karma" or "fate" or "some divine providence" that is now subjecting him to the many of the very same challenges his kids faced early on in their lives? While none of them actually lost a limb, some did have huge issues getting those limbs to work; and the brain issues... while not caused by the same thing the challenge of making weak or non-working areas of the brain either work or find an area to pick up the slack was still present.
It's interesting to contemplate - is it "payback" time for X in all the ways he treated us? Will helping him be like 'heaping hot coals' upon him when he realizes that the very ones he hurt so deeply are the only ones helping him out now? Will it make a difference? Will he have a change of heart - a real, true, change that results in him being a nicer, more compassionate person in the long run?
Just wanted to get something in here for Day 286. It was a challenging day. The first of the month always is; there are bills to pay, accounts to balance, transfers to initiate, and of course, some shopping to do.
This month we added helping my X to get his first haircut since May when he was rushed into life-saving surgery, battling a flesh-eating bacteria, and came out of it only losing his right leg (instead of his life). He's still adjusting to that loss. Plus, there are so many other aspects to his daily living situation that are big adjustments for him - and by extension, for us, particularly, my kids.
Two of those kids helped out in what was needed to help him yesterday. By the time the 3 of us returned home very late last night the mood was somber. WE are used to the challenges faced with disability issues, in particular with mobility issues that he is just beginning to realize. It was sad to watch him struggle and really notice that there are some things he will no longer be able to do, at least not in the way he's grown accustomed to over the years.
I think back to all the years he avoided knowing about the various "special needs" of our kids, all the time he wasted really getting to know them because he didn't want to face their realities: neuro-motor issues, strokes, heart defects, stuff that affected how they learned, how they walked, how they talked, and ultimately how they each grew up taking on challenges that the majority of their peers would never have to face - doing so with grace, dignity, and determination. X certainly missed a lot.
Is it "karma" or "fate" or "some divine providence" that is now subjecting him to the many of the very same challenges his kids faced early on in their lives? While none of them actually lost a limb, some did have huge issues getting those limbs to work; and the brain issues... while not caused by the same thing the challenge of making weak or non-working areas of the brain either work or find an area to pick up the slack was still present.
It's interesting to contemplate - is it "payback" time for X in all the ways he treated us? Will helping him be like 'heaping hot coals' upon him when he realizes that the very ones he hurt so deeply are the only ones helping him out now? Will it make a difference? Will he have a change of heart - a real, true, change that results in him being a nicer, more compassionate person in the long run?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)